


fire is life (and life is never truly gone)

by bvtterfliez



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Azula and Zuko Love Each Other, Fire Nation (Avatar), Fire Nation Royal Family, Multi, azula and zuko as badass siblings/good siblings should be a tag and a genre, eventual tyzula, eventual zukka, instead try: loving yourself, no more completely villainizing azula, this should be a tag, what if zuko and azula loved each other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-21
Updated: 2020-09-07
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:14:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25424491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bvtterfliez/pseuds/bvtterfliez
Summary: Azula was a monster, but Zuko never found a monster he couldn't love.orWhat if Zuko and Azula never took their anger over being ignored out on each other? What if they gave up on finding the Avatar as soon as Ozai gave the mission? What if Azula chose to try and end the war in her brother's name?
Relationships: Azula & The Gaang (Avatar), Azula & Zuko (Avatar), Azula/Ty Lee (Avatar), Sokka/Zuko (Avatar), The Gaang & Zuko (Avatar)
Comments: 68
Kudos: 555
Collections: AtLA <10k fics to read, Canon Divergent AUs





	1. Prologue: protecting and loving monsters

Azula was a monster.

She saw it in her mother’s eyes- the fear, the hurt, the pain that passed through them. She saw how she flinched from her touch and cringed at her voice. Her mother looked into her eyes and saw her father, and that was all it took to earn her hatred- to have even an inkling of her father’s personality.

 _Maybe I am like my father,_ Azula thought to herself. _Maybe I am a monster._

But then there was Zuko.

If Azula was too much like her father for Ursa to love her, then Zuko was too much like their mother for Ozai to love him. His bending was nowhere near as proficient as Azula’s, and she had to assume he was no good at lessons either. He fed bread to turtleducks and was kind to servants while Azula mastered blue fire and was groomed to be a weapon. His father said he was lucky to be born, while Azula was born lucky. Anybody could have learned to hate Azula if they had been through something like that.

Zuko never did.

From the moment she was born Zuko doted over Azula. He held her and tickled her and played with her. As her firebending grew more powerful, he only had exclamations of pride and words of encouragement to offer. When she came to her room with bruises and burns, he had salve and bandages to help her. When it seemed father was going to take his punishments a step too far in his efforts to make Azula a master, Zuko would conveniently make a mistake to turn his attention away from her. When Ursa ignored her, he’d offer to play a game with her or show her a scroll or a fancy looking weapon. When Azula had a nightmare, he was always right there in his room, with space in his bed to make room for her, never saying anything about her tears.

Azula was a monster.

But Zuko never found a monster he couldn’t love.

* * *

She should have _known._

Rage filled Azula as Ozai stood in front of her brother.

She should have known. Ever since that faithful night when their grandfather threatened to murder Zuko, she’d known Ozai’s lack of concern for Zuko was threshing into dangerous territory. But _this_?

She had never seen it coming. She should have. This was her fault. And now she was sitting here, not doing _anything_ as Ozai’s hand came _closer and closer to Zuko’s face-_

 _“NO!”_ Azula screamed. She ran towards the arena, not caring about the gasps that rippled through the crowd. All that was on her mind was _Zuko, her Zuko, big brother, no no no-_

It was too late. The damage was done. All Azula had done was drag herself down with him.

Good. Azula would go anywhere with her brother.

* * *

Their father had sent them to find the Avatar.

Obviously neither Zuko nor Azula had any intention of doing any such thing.

Azula counted herself lucky Zuko was being allowed to heal within the palace walls as they plotted. Finding the Avatar was a suicide mission. He hadn’t been seen in a century and even if, by some chance, he was alive he was either a century old and a master of all the elements or, alternatively, a waterbender on either of the other sides of the world. In his element, neither Azula nor Zuko stood a chance at stopping him.

Their only alternative was to run away and start a new life in the Earth Kingdom. They had no chance of surviving in the Water Tribes and Fire Nation territory was no longer theirs to cross. They would flee, find some Earth Kingdom colony or maybe a scrap of unoccupied territory, and start new lives. Zuko had come up with names from them already: for him, Li, and for her, Han. Azula grumbled at the name but glared at him when he suggested Lo instead. She would rather not be named after her irritating bending teacher.

Speaking of which, she would need a new one.

When she voiced these thoughts aloud, Zuko looked disheartened. “I’m sorry, Azula,” he said. “I know how important firebending is to you. It’s not fair you might have to stop because of me.”

Azula’s heart twisted at the guilt in Zuko’s voice. “Nonsense,” she said dismissively. “I’ll be fine. I’m pretty much a master already- if I can grab a few scrolls before leaving, I should be good.”

“I guess.” Zuko still looked guilty. Azula sighed internally. She usually wasn’t one for displays of affection, but if Zuko was this upset…

“Hey,” Azula said. She placed her hand over his, and he looked up, surprised. “I know you have this compulsive need to tell yourself every bad thing that has ever happened in the history of the world is your fault, but I assure you, me not having a teacher is nothing to do with it.”

“I got you banished.”

“I got myself banished,” Azula corrected.

“You shouldn’t have come down for me.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Zuko,” Azula said impatiently. “If anything I didn’t get there fast enough.”

She hadn’t. She really hadn’t. Their father had burned half Zuko’s face off. He would most likely lose sight and partial hearing on his damaged side.

Azula had failed him.

She never would again.

“Our father is a tyrant,” Azula said. “Our uncle is apparently too weak to defeat his brother. We don’t even _know_ what happened to mother.” She saw Zuko flinch at that, but ignored it. Zuko had always missed her more than she did. “We only have each other now. And I’m not going to risk exposing our whereabouts to our father and getting you hurt just so some stupid old person can teach me things I already know.”

Zuko smirked at that. “True. You don’t really need a teacher at this point, honestly. You’re the greatest firebender alive.”

Azula felt a flame of pride in her chest. All these years and Zuko’s delight in her skills still gave her a sense of importance.

 _Weak,_ her father whispered. Azula tried to ignore him.

* * *

Once the doctor declared Zuko’s scar completely healed, they made their escape.

Just as Azula had suspected, he had lost sight and hearing in his scarred eye. That was fine. Well, it wasn’t fine, but he would learn to adapt. Azula would help him. They would help each other.

She retrieved some scrolls from the library. Zuko took his swords. They raided the kitchen for food. It was a struggle to find clothes that weren’t obviously Fire Nation, but eventually, they got their hands on some browns and golds. Acceptable.

They escaped with minimal effort, their father either not having predicted their getaway or not caring. Despite herself, Azula couldn’t help but feel bitter, and she knew Zuko shared the sentiment. She knew this was good, but some part of her was still resentful that Ozai either hadn’t thought them capable or didn’t care.

Then Zuko squeezed her hand, and it was fine because Zuko thought she was capable, and Zuko cared.

There was only one ship at the docks when they arrived. They’d changed into substantially casual clothes before leaving, but the ship’s captain still looked at them with suspicion. This suspicion was forgotten when Azula offered him a small handful of gold coins. After that, he smiled and freely offered them passage on the ship.

“Where are you headed?” Zuko inquired.

For a moment, the man said nothing. He seemed fixated on the scar on Zuko’s face. Azula saw him bristle and scowled. “He asked you a question,” she snapped. “Where is this ship going?”

The ship’s captain straightened. “Apologies,” he said quickly. “Me and my crew are headed for Yu Dao. Famous Fire Nation colony, been ours since before the war.”

Azula considered this. If Yu Dao had been a colony since before the genocide of the airbenders, then it wasn’t unlikely that Fire Nation and Earth Kingdom citizens had been intermarrying since then. Her and Zuko’s Fire Nation appearance- and even their bending- wouldn’t stand out. She nodded at the captain and gestured below deck, a clear indication to show them to their quarters.

There were two small, plain beds. Zuko stumbled a bit, trying to get his bearings on the gently swaying ship. Azula held his hand and led him to the foot of his bed gently. “Sleep, Zuko,” she said. “We have a long journey ahead of us.”

Zuko grunted in agreement and settled comfortably into his bed. “Night Azula.”

“Night Zuko.”

As the two Fire Nation siblings got comfortable, the gentle sway of the boat rocked them to sleep, promising a safe journey and a future that, while fraught with danger, was always worth it for the other’s embrace.

After all, fire was life.

And life was never truly gone.

* * *

When Azula was thirteen, she found a bloodied arm on her bed and a letter from her father.

No one in the village she and her brother had lived never saw Li or Han ever again.


	2. blue fire, blue water

Makapu was a small village, hidden by the mountains and bountiful in crops. It was untouched by the savagery of the Fire Nation war- the only flames it had to fear were those of the nearby volcano, and even that the villagers did not fear, blindly clinging to the fortunes of an elderly woman named Aunt Wu. Money was flowing, crops were plentiful, and life was good.

Azula hated it.

You couldn’t blame her. Zuko and she may have stopped by at a few small villages from time to time, some of them even smaller than Makapu, but she was a city girl at heart, and she liked to shake things up. But in a village like Makapu, where complacency was a cornerstone and the villagers genuinely trusted the ravings of an old woman more than actual science, change was not a welcome factor.

At least it wasn’t as bad as Ba Sing Se. The things she’d heard of that place… Azula shuddered to think of being so placid that she couldn’t tell that there was an actual motherfucking war going on.

She fondly remembered the rant Zuko had gotten into when he’d received a warning from some Ba Sing Se natives of the nature of the great city. “All roads lead to Ba Sing Se my fucking ass,” he’d fumed. “All roads lead to bullshit, you mean!”

Azula chuckled. Zuko always got so riled up when he saw injustice, from brainwashing citizens and attacking civilians to cutting in the line for tomatoes and charging extra for rice. Azula would never forget the time he got kicked out of the market for starting a fistfight over vegetables.

Her mood was abruptly soured when she realized she’d never get to see him get enraged about vegetables again.

The room became searing hot as Azula’s memories came back to bite her. Suddenly the happy serenity of Makapu became no longer the source of her boredom, but her rage. How dare the children play when Zuko had not had the chance to be the child he was? How dare the sun shine so brightly here when Zuko had not even died in Agni’s embrace? How dare the crops grow so well here and the money be so easy when Zuko had bent over backwards for her, broken himself working to make a living for Azula, and she had paid him back only by leaving him for the night to be slaughtered?

Hotter the room became, hotter and hotter as the memories came flooding back, of Zuko’s laughter and encouraging smile, telling her, ‘ _Go to the festival, I’ll be fine_ -’

“Han?”

The heat of the room dropped abruptly. Azula remembered where she was: Aunt Wu’s apartment, in a meditation room generously provided for her, and she should, therefore, try hard not to burn down. The voice calling her name belonged to Meng, Aunt Wu’s assistant. Azula sighed and turned her whole body to face her. “Yes, Meng?” she said, not bothering to hide her displeasure at being interrupted.

Meng didn’t seem to notice- she was bouncing around happily on the balls of her feet like she was trying to achieve lift-off. “A cute boy my age is downstairs!” she squealed. “And he’s _the Avatar!_ ”

Azula’s eyebrows shot up.

Apparently, the spirits had heard her asking for someone to shake things up.

* * *

Katara hadn’t expected Meng to come back to the room with a girl about her age trailing at her heels.

Somehow, looking at her Katara felt an instant pang of dislike- probably because of the look of haughty boredom on her face as she surveyed the room. She slid her eyes over Sokka completely, regarded Aang with some interest, and, when her eyes landed on Katara, had the gall to _smirk_.

“Good afternoon,” she said, bowing respectfully, even though there was anything but respect in her eyes. “I am Han, Aunt Wu’s…” She paused, seeming to be choosing her words carefully. “Ward,” she said finally. “She has generously offered me a home here in Makapu, and I’m sure she shares the sentiment that it is an honour to host you. Kindly wait here with me while Meng fetches your…” She glanced at Meng. “What did you say you were preparing for them, Meng?” she asked.

“Bean curd puffs!” Meng said cheerfully.

“Bean curd puffs,” Azula affirmed.

“Thanks, Meng!” Katara said cheerfully, still regarding Han with suspicion.

Han settled down in front of them. “So, you two are from the poles, then?” she said, gesturing to Katara and Sokka.

Sokka nodded. “Southern Water Tribe!” he said cheerfully.

Han hummed. “You’ve come a long way,” she mused. “You must be missing home.”

Sokka slumped suddenly. “Yeah, we are,” he mumbled.

Han nodded. “I too, know what it’s like to be far from home. I didn’t always live here in Makapu- I am formerly from the town of Yu Dao.”

“Why’d you leave?” Aang asked curiously.

Han turned away. “My brother and I were being hunted. A Fire Nation militant was making attempts on his life for what he perceived as a transgression against the Fire Lord and the war, and endeavouring to recruit me to the army.”

“That’s horrible,” Katara said sincerely.

Han nodded. “It is. After that, my brother and I were constantly on the run. Village to village, town to town, trying to escape his wrath. We made many friends there, but just as many enemies. Finally, we arrived at a small Earth Kingdom village. My brother got a steady job- he even managed to send me to school, while he made do with whatever scrolls he could find at local libraries and the homes of kind elderly. We were happy.”

“What happened?” Aang asked gently.

Han looked them all in the eye, and for the first time, Katara saw an expression other than boredom or amusement in Han’s eyes- in their place was a cold, raging fury. “I went out to a festival. One night of fun, my brother told me. I came back, and the only thing left of him was his arm.”

Katara clapped a hand to her mouth in horror. All feelings of animosity she’d had towards Han disappeared in that instant. She felt tears spring to her eyes, and she knew Aang was suffering the same. She instinctively reached for Sokka’s hand, just to see if it was even still there. She couldn’t even imagine losing her brother in such a way- to leave him for a moment, and to return and have him gone, nothing left of him but an arm.

“Han, that’s… that’s horrible. I’m so sorry,” Sokka said, his voice hoarse and upset.

Azula stared at the floor again. Katara recognized her stony expression- the one Sokka used to have after their mother died, trying desperately not to cry, not to show weakness. “After that, I was on my own,” she said. “Even with my brother gone, it appears I was still wanted by the Fire Nation military. They kept trying to recruit me, trying to rope me into doing their bidding. I refused. All my brother wanted was for this war to end, for the Fire Nation to stop. I will never conspire against his wishes with the bastards who killed him.” Han stood up and regarded Aang once again. “Master the four elements. Fight the Fire Nation. Do whatever it takes to bring peace to the Four Nations. And when you find the Fire Lord?”

Han’s expression was ice cold.

“Kill him.”

* * *

The Avatar was twelve.

 _The_ Avatar was twelve.

The _Avatar_ was twelve.

The Avatar was _twelve_.

Azula liked to think she was a pretty perceptive person, but even she could have never anticipated that the Avatar would be younger than Zuko was when he was burned.

If Azula hadn’t been considering helping them before, she was now. The boy would never survive this war if he didn’t have at least one firebender on his side- the best one.

But she obviously couldn’t spring her abilities on him now. She would have to earn their trust first. She’d heard of the Southern Water Tribe raids, and even if they bought her ‘mommy shagged a Fire Nation man’ story, they still weren’t likely to see firebending in a positive light.

* * *

Aang was staring at Katara from afar when Han approached him again.

“You know, I wouldn’t consider myself a romance expert by any means, but I doubt Katara will fall in love with a statue, even if it’s one of the Avatar.”

Aang jumped at the sound of her voice, then blushed as she registered what she’d said. “I don’t know how to make her notice me,” he confessed shyly. “I’ve been following Sokka’s advice all day!”

Azula arched an eyebrow. “Let me get this straight. You wanted to woo a girl, and you asked her older brother- who is a) a guy and b) _her brother_ \- for advice?”

“Well, yeah,” Aang shrugged. _What was the big deal?_

Azula snorted. “Boys,” she muttered, then sighed. “Well like I said, I’m no expert, but here in Makapu people like to declare their intentions by giving the object of their fondness a panda lily.”

Aang perked up. “A panda lily?”

Azula nodded. “They grow in the rim of the volcano,” she explained, pointing to Mount Makapu. “I always wondered why someone would go out of their way to brave possible third-degree burns for one flower, but that’s what makes them special, apparently- life from ashes, beauty from fire.”

Aang hopped up and down in excitement. That was _perfect_! “Great idea! I’ll climb up and get some panda lilies right now!” Then, as an afterthought. “Wanna come with me, Han?”

Han shrugged. “Eh, why not? Nothing else to do in this village.”

“Cool!” Aang beamed. He had to admit, he felt a little uneasy about Han when she told him to kill the Fire Lord- he was the last airbender, he had to uphold their traditions _somehow-_ but so far she’d been perfectly nice to him since then. Someone who gave good romantic advice couldn’t be all bad. She was probably still shaken up from her brother’s death.

Seeing Sokka nearby, Aang air-scootered over to him. “Hey Sokka, me and Han are heading to Mount Makapu to get some panda-lilies! Wanna come?”

Sokka rolled his eyes. “Sure Aang. Let me just slit my own throat first.”

Han seemed to materialize next to Sokka. “Sokka,” she said, “Have you ever seen a volcano up close before?”

Still looking scowly, Sokka replied, “No.”

“Well, here’s your chance to! You’re a man of science, are you not? Surely this is exciting for you?”

Sokka considered this for a moment before shrugging in agreement. “Okay, sure. At least it’s a chance to see some shit that makes sense.”

* * *

Sokka was _not_ digging Makapu, but Han was cool.

She was the only _logical_ person in the whole village- according to her she didn’t actually believe any of Aunt Wu’s predictions, but she knew a good money grab when saw one and recognized working for her was her best bet. She knew a lot about other cultures, particularly Earth Kingdom and- Sokka scowled a little- Fire Nation.

“How do you know all this stuff?” Sokka asked curiously after Azula finished telling a popular horror story in the Fire Nation, the Kuchisake-onna.

“Fire Nation colony, remember? I grew up there.”

Sokka snorted. “Sorry.”

Azula laughed, but it seemed half-hearted, almost bitter. “It’s a beautiful place.”

Sokka gave her an incredulous look. “They’re murderers!”

“You say ‘they’ as if I’m exempt. Yu Dao has been Fire Nation property since before this war began, Sokka, and I’m from there. By all accounts, _I’m_ Fire Nation.”

Sokka blinked. That was… sound logic. “You’re not a murderer,” he muttered.

Han nodded. “Quite right. Can you imagine how exhausting it would be for everyone in the Fire Nation to be filled with rage and bloodshed 100% of the time? The things the Fire Nation has done don’t make up every citizen. Before this war, all four nations lived in harmony. This proves that the Fire Nation is capable of peace. It was the actions of Sozin that brought us where we are now.”

Sokka scowled. “Why are you defending them? They killed your brother.”

He instinctively felt guilty. He saw Han’s fist clench as she said, “I understand that you’ve been hurt by the Fire Nation too much to attach humanity to them, but maybe not throw my brother’s death back in my face to prove a point?”

Her voice was cold and sharp. Sokka swallowed. “Sorry. I… sorry.”

“This war is poisoning everyone. The Fire Nation is in shambles; our economy being drained, our people barely able to afford food, all so that nobles can buy their tenth palace and our military can commit yet more war crimes. The age of recruitment for the army getting younger and younger until _eleven-year-olds_ are considered eligible for the army. My brother wasn’t killed for theft or assault or any _real_ crime; he was killed for speaking up about the horrors of this war. Regardless of how you feel about it, I _am_ Fire Nation, and those are _my_ people. I apologise for their wrongdoings, but I’m not going to damn them all to hell.” She stopped climbing abruptly. “We’re here.”

Aang floated around excitedly. “I see the panda lilies! They’re so pretty, Katara’s going to _love_ them!”

Sokka barely had enough time to register Aang saying _Katara_ before he noticed a far bigger problem. “Oh no,” he whispered, gazing at the rapidly rising lava.

“We have to warn the village!” Aang said immediately.

“They won’t believe you,” Han said grimly. “They’re all hung up on Aunt Wu’s predictions. If she tells them the volcano’s not going to erupt, that’s what they’ll believe- right up until this village is destroyed.”

“Then we need to make sure they _do_ believe us!” Aang exclaimed.

Han pondered that thoughtfully, then smiled. “I think that can be arranged.”

* * *

Katara still felt a little weird about the implications of Aunt Wu’s prediction, but given that she’d also predicted the volcano wouldn’t explode, she decided not to ponder it for too long. She gave the villagers a warm goodbye and waved cheerfully at Meng. When she saw Han’s face among the crowd, she hugged her. She was evidently surprised, but eventually returned the embrace.

“Thank you for helping us,” she said sincerely. Han’s idea for Katara and Aang to bend the clouds into the signs for a volcano eruption was genius, and she was glad she’d helped.

Han still looked slightly flustered by the hug, but she gave a dismissive wave. “Your welcome, but the fanfare isn’t necessary. I live here too.” She paused. “Used to, anyway.”

Katara blinked. “Used to?”

Han nodded. “Come with me,” she said and began walking in the direction of the forest. After debating for a moment, Katara ran after her.

“I have…” Han seemed to struggle for a moment. “Issues with purpose. When I was with my brother, we were running from a crazed Fire Nation militant. We were always on alert, always ready to fight for our lives if need be. Most people would find that terrifying, but for me, it was just life. This idyllic life in Makapu…” She pursed her lips. “It doesn’t suit me.”

Katara felt immediately sympathetic. She knew what that felt like- what it was like to feel guilty for feeling happy or at peace, that feeling like you should be _doing something_.

“Where will you go?”

Han gave a wry smile. “I was getting to that part.”

She took a deep breath. “I’ve told you I was from Yu Dao, yes?”

Katara nodded, wondering where this was going.

“Well, contrary to popular belief, not all Fire Nation colonies became the Fire Lord’s property during the war. Sozin began colonizing Earth Kingdom towns before then. Yu Dao was one of such towns, and many things there are different from a lot of Fire Nation colonies. A key difference is that due to Earth Kingdom natives being allowed to live freely without oppression, Fire Nation immigrants and Earth Kingdom natives were able to intermarry. I’m sure you can tell I’m from such a family.” She gestured to her face. Katara nodded. That was what had struck her first about Han when she thought about it- her golden eyes, raven hair, cheekbones that you could tell would grow more upturned as she grew older. Her Fire Nation ancestry was clear, but Katara didn’t see what this had to do with anything.

Then Han locked her gaze with hers. “Looks aren’t the only thing I inherited.”

Katara’s mouth fell open as Azula produced a small blue flame- blue, _blue, firebenders' flames could be_ blue? - from her palm. “I’m a firebender,” Han said. “And I believe it is my destiny to right my country’s wrongs and help the Avatar.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You will not BELIEVE the number of times I typed Azula instead of Han when I shouldn't have  
> It occurred to me as I typed the bit about Katara's appearance that this could be interpreted as racism 😭 I promise you Katara isn't racist lol Azula was just giving off big nefarious vibes surveying the gaang all evil like


	3. mind over matter

So they were harbouring a firebender now. Great.

“She’s only _half_ Fire Nation, Sokka,” Katara snapped when Sokka brought it up, grumbling. “And she’s on our side. She wants to end the war and bring honour back to the Fire Nation!”

“Yeah, yeah. Look I’m just saying, it’s going to be difficult to get anyone to tell us anything with a firebender around.”

“Hardly,” Han’s voice said from behind him. Sokka jumped. Where had she even _come_ from? “My brother and I travelled all around the Earth Kingdom and certain parts of the Fire Nation. A lot of people owe him favours, and some were aware of our firebending, though they promised to keep it the village secret.” Han shrugged. “Just another reason you need me around.”

Sokka huffed. “Whatever.”

Han just smirked and walked ahead of them. Sokka turned to glare at Katara. “You see there’s something fishy about her, right? Like, it’s not just me.”

Katara stomped her foot. “We can trust her!” she yelled.

“Really? Like we could trust Jet?”

Okay, that was a low blow. Katara scowled furiously. “This is nothing like Jet!” she screamed and wow, how could Han not hear them? She couldn’t be _that_ far ahead.

“Really? Seems like it to me. Tragic backstory? Check. Gives off master manipulator vibes? Check. Adheres to your teen girl fantasies: in this case, a girl your age? Check. Seems like a pretty similar situation to me- “

“Katara, Sokka!”

The two of them jumped at Aang’s voice. “Look,” the airbender said. “I know you don’t trust firebenders, Sokka. You have every reason not to. But objectively, it’s good to have one on our side. She knows the most about Fire Nation culture and military practices, so she knows what to expect from them and maybe even how to blend in. She also _looks_ Fire Nation, so again, good for stealth. Also she’s a crazy good firebender. I will, eventually, need a firebending teacher. I’m already two steps ahead!”

“I was under the impression you enjoyed being ahead of schedule, Sokka,” Han called from ahead.

Sokka glared at her back. “Not when it involves trusting Fire Nation scum,” he spat.

Aang gasped and Katara looked like she was going to water whip him in the face- she was getting pretty good at those- but Han only shrugged. “I understand your mistrust, Sokka. But if you want to beat the Fire Nation, you’re going to have to _go_ there. And for a Fire Nation infiltration mission, I’m your best bet. So as much as you may dislike me- “

Han finally, finally turned around to face him, and fixed him with a piercing stare. “You’re going to have to get used to me.”

Having another girl around was awesome.

Sure, Han was a little weird. She didn’t get games and she wasn’t really good for things like braiding hair, not knowing how to do it herself. But she helped make fun of Sokka in a way only little sisters could do, she knew lots of interesting stories, and Sokka was pretty much over his sexist pig phase, but Katara was sure that if he ever returned, Azula had little shocks of lightning to snap him out of it. 

Overall, having Han around was fun.

Even if stupid Sokka kept trying to ruin it.

“I’ll go look for food,” he was saying stubbornly.

Katara stomped her foot. “Sokka, can you get you head out of the snow for _one second_? It is a _Fire Nation occupied town._ You will stick out like a sore thumb. Han is our best bet.”

“As much as I’d like to agree with you, Katara,” Han said grimly, “I know the particular soldiers patrolling this place. I’d be immediately killed.”

Sokka narrowed his eyes suspiciously. “I thought you said they wanted you in the army?” he challenged.

Han didn’t miss a beat. “I kind of electrocuted their balls. They’re pretty eager for vengeance.”

Sokka gaped and Katara giggled. Sokka was probably going to be a little more careful around Han or he’d lose his-

Okay, _ew._

“If Han and the two of you can’t go,” Aang said, thankfully guiding Katara off that train of thought, “Can I?”

Han crossed her arms over her chest. “You’ll need to cover up the arrow. And get new clothes. And maybe gouge out your eyes, since grey eyes like yours haven’t been seen in, oh, _a hundred years._ ”

Aang immediately shrunk back and a shadow crossed his face, and okay, Katara _really_ liked Han, but she was Not Happy about Aang being so thoughtlessly reminded of the genocide of his people.

Han seemed to realise her mistake and her face softened. “I’m sorry,” she mumbled, looking the other way as if embarrassed she had to be saying it. “That was out of line. And, uh, I actually have seen a girl with grey eyes.”

Aang immediately perked up. “Really?” Then he immediately deflated. “You’re just saying that to make me feel better.”

Han snorted. “Unlikely.” She sat down next to Aang. “I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but I’m not very good at that kind of stuff. No, I did know a girl with grey eyes. She was…” Han looked to be thinking about her choice of words. “A family friend,” she said decisively. “I could never get from her whether or not she had Air Nomad ancestry, but she certainly looked like she did, though of course she didn’t have your bald head.” She poked the side of Aang’s head and he laughed. “She also talked a lot about auras,” Han added. “Is that a part of Air Nomad culture?”

Aang perked up. “Yeah! They’re really important, too. It’s like a way of placing where someone’s emotions are spiritually often using colours. Like, Sokka’s aura was really red just now, because he was yelling.”

“Ty- “Han suddenly stopped herself. “My friend used to say my aura was really pink. I… did not know what that meant.”

Aang’s eyes widened. “Neither do I! Your friend’s aura reading techniques must be really advanced. In my time she probably would’ve been a master bender.”

Han looked surprised. “All Nomads were benders, then?”

Aang nodded. “Yeah!” Then he paused. “Is your friend not a bender?”

Han nodded. “Though she is particularly skilled in acrobatics. We used to have handstand competitions, and I would be so jealous cause she always lasted longer. I think I pushed her over. I was…” Han stared at the ground. “Sort of a bitch.”

Katara didn’t know about auras, but she was guessing Han’s wasn’t really bright right now. “Was she nice?” she asked, quietly.

Han clenched a fist. “The nicest girl I ever knew. Leagues nicer than me.” Then she stood. “Aang, I have some robes in my bag that should fit you. Keep your head down as much as possible and you should be fine.” Then she walked off.

Impulsively, Katara followed.

Idiot.

What was she thinking, talking about Ty Lee in front of them like that? Ty Lee was her weakness, and weaknesses would get her killed. They were possibly gossiping about her failure right now.

But then this wouldn’t be the first time she failed, would it?

Han sat in front of the tree trunk, her back against the bark. She blinked back tears. _Failure, failure, failure…_

“You know I’m right,” Ozai smirked from beside her. “You couldn’t protect Zuko from me all those years when you were children. You allowed me to put that hideous scar on his face, you allowed me to _kill him_ , and now you’re failing to avenge him, too.” He gave her that cruel smile she knew all too well, from twisting Zuko’s arm when he struggled with lessons, from burning her leg on the rare occasions she failed at a firebending kata, from everytime she or Zuko had ever been burnt. “Face it. You’re going to lose. And all of this would have been for nothing. _Zuko’s death would have been for nothing._ ”

“ _SHUT UP!”_ Azula screamed, punching a flame into the air beside her.

 _She was a failure._ She failed to be the monster she was supposed to be. She failed to be the little sister Zuko needed. She failed at _everything_ and soon everyone would see it-

“Han?”

Azula snapped to attention. “Yes!” she called out, her voice shaky.

Katara seemed to materialize next to her. “Han,” she said. Softly, tenderly, the way Ursa used to speak to Zuko sometimes. The way everyone had spoken to Zuko. To Zuko, but never to her.

It was no wonder she replied how she did, then, so unused to that- that softness, from anyone but Zuko. Anyone else who spoke that way was _lying._

“Of course,” she snapped, but her voice came out weak. Agni, she couldn’t even _pretend_ to be strong? “Why wouldn’t I be?” she tried again. Much better. No one could tell she was lying.

Katara reached out to touch Azula’s shoulder. Azula grabbed it and pushed it away. Unperturbed, Katara spoke.

“You were really shaken up about what you told us, Han. If you don’t want to talk about it- “

“I don’t,” Azula interrupted, scowling.

“-you don’t have to. But I want you to know that…” Katara paused, seeming unsure of what she was about to say.

Then she took Azula’s hand. “You’re our friend,” she said gently. “We care about you, even Sokka. You don’t have to be strong all the time. I’m always here for you, Han.”

Azula eyes swam. _Stop,_ her mind hissed urgently at her. “You can’t- you can’t possibly mean that,” she wheezed through the dreaded onslaught of tears preparing to free themselves. “You can’t really- “. _Love me,_ she thought. _Care about me._

Katara seemed to understand. “I do, Han,” she whispered. “And it’s okay to cry.”

Then Han did something she hadn’t done in a long time, not since Zuko died.

She broke down in tears.

Muffled cries at first, tearful little whimpers, and then gut wrenching sibs that her whole body wracked with. Her vision was blurred completely by the tears that kept building up even as they slipped out. Her crying sounded ugly, like a wounded animal, and she was pretty sure she was bringing out snot.

But Katara held her the whole time. Rubbing circles into her back, whispering soothing words, never letting her go.

Azula didn’t understand. She had been weak. She should be punished. But instead she was being held, comforted, loved. Just like Ursa used to do with Zuko. Just like Zuko used to do with her.

And it didn’t bring Zuko back. Didn’t fill that void in her soul, didn’t stop the voices in her head saying she was _never good enough_.

But for a moment, just for a moment…

Everything was okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The waste of space is back on her bullshit 😁  
> I'm really sorry for the late update! But I did say that updates probably wouldn't be consistent so...  
> There isn't any action in this chapter! Sorry. But there will be more in the next, for that Azula and Sokka bonding. Mostly this is just to deepen the friendship between Katra and Azula.  
> Y'all are on some real sherlock holmes shit with Zuko... no he's not dead lol. The question is, what DID happen to him? 🤔  
> Anyway, thank you to everyone reading this story! Kudos and comments are appreciated.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay! Hope you liked this one!  
> This is my first Atla fic. I wasn't even going to write it, but I had waay too many ideas going on and I decided I should write at least one. My general rule for updates is: when you know what to write, write it, so it might not be consistent, but I promise I won't be abandoning it anytime soon! Feel free to leave a comment below, and of course, kudos are appreciated.


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